


The War on Drugs

by Thewarondrugs



Category: Euphoria (TV 2019)
Genre: Multi, wemustprotectlexi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-23
Updated: 2019-08-29
Packaged: 2020-09-24 14:49:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20360329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thewarondrugs/pseuds/Thewarondrugs
Summary: It has always been about love, and friendship but mostly about love. It will burn everything down until nothing else remains. It is incandescent.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I just felt the urge to write down some stuff about all the emotions of this amazing show. I find it so hard to cope with all of them! Also it is quite a challenge to write in English since it is not my native language. Feel free to spot out all the mistakes I am about to make I won't be offended :) Hope you will enjoy it!

It has always been about love, and friendship but mostly about love. It will burn everything down until nothing else remains. It is incandescent.

When you are seventeen and you are going through a heartbreak, things can get a little complicated. You just feel too much, everything is illuminated with pain. Well, when you are seventeen and you are a bipolar obsessive-compulsive disorder addict, things are just overwhelming and you can’t even shake the pain without breaking. She can feel it in her bones. It was 2 in the morning and there she was, completely lost in the middle of the streets, bumping into every single street lights, as if they had just been put there to remind her of how numb her body is compared to how she felt inside. Her whole body was shivering but she didn’t notice it, her fists were clenched in her pockets, she couldn’t feel the soft fabric of them because her mind drifted somewhere else. She couldn’t help herself from thinking about Jules. She was not even mad at her, because well, technically Jules didn’t really leave her. She was the coward in all of this. Rue could feel her jaw tighten up at the thought of it. Everything was so clear and vivid in her mind. She could still feel Jules’ hand in hers. Her grip was firm and somehow desperate but she couldn’t move. Rue couldn’t pluck up the courage to move her feet. She was paralyzed by fear and even the endearing words Jules was saying couldn’t soothe Rue. Her chest was on the verge of explosion. And then it shattered her. She felt Jules’ grip loosen up a little bit. She met her eyes and couldn’t breathe. She knew she was about to relapse. She knew she was about to lose her.

The heavy and stifling air of the night was too much to bear. There was no order in this chaos. Rue felt the urge to find shelter somewhere or she knows she could collapse right here right now to the hostile and cold ground. Somehow, she was able to find her way back home. No one was back yet. Her shoulders sagged in relief. She glided to the cold kitchen floor and then she allowed herself to cry. Her head was throbbing, it was a nightmare, she was a fucking nightmare. She lit up a cigarette to calm her sobbing. It worked for a moment but it wasn’t enough, her throat was sore, she swallowed and rose up to her feet. She knew what she needed and she was aiming right at it.

A few hours later, Gia found her sister in the backyard. Gia has always been able to find her, no matter what. She would recognize the emptiness in Rue’s red eyes. Gia is used to. She tried her best to wipe away her tears. It’s been some fucking hard days since Rue got back home. She kneeled down and gently touched her hair. Her sister was beautiful, even if her face was devastated by pain. Gia idolized Rue so much. Sometimes, she pictured her as a shooting star, incandescent, and stuff. Gia was too young and too emotional to put words on her thoughts about her sister yet. She heard Lexi once saying that about Rue, and it has been stuck in her head until now. Gia tried to catch her attention:

‘R- Rue, It’s me, how are you feeling?’

Rue turned her head and saw her sister who was down on her knees next to her. She hasn’t even heard her coming. She was too high for that. Rue swallowed and tried to smile, but she was numb and all she could manage to achieve was a sad face because she knew Gia knew she wasn’t sober anymore. Gia hugged her sister as hard as she could.

‘It’s okay– you will be okay Rue’

And Rue just wanted to believe in her sister’s words.

It has always been about love, and friendship but mostly about love. It will burn everything down until nothing else remains.

It is incandescent. Relentless. Like a shooting star

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Let's go emo together : https://the-war-on-drugs.tumblr.com


	2. There was pain in your eyes so you vanished in the night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> But Lexi Howard was loyal, reliable and strong. Even if all of this was breaking her heart day after day.

I don’t know. Where should I begin? This feeling, well, it is like sheer poetry. Everything about her is so pure, I can’t even put words on it.   
Delicate yet solid, she has always been there guiding me.   
Just like a lighthouse that I dismissed for too long.   
A silent shadow that I let disappear.   
I am acting like a dumb loser. R

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A Little sneak peek of the next chapter. I find it harder to write about Lexi, but here we are :)


	3. Ride the heat wherever it goes.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You are too Nice. 
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J9LgHNf2Qy0

I don’t know. Where should I begin? This feeling, well, it is like sheer poetry. Everything about her is so pure, I can’t even put words on it. Delicate yet solid, she has always been there guiding me. Just like a lighthouse that I dismissed for too long. A silent shadow that I let disappear. I am acting like a dumb loser. R

You are too Nice.   
Lexi has heard this sentence a million times. It didn’t sound right, as if it was some kind of flaw or something. This is how she interpreted it anyway. She did not like being labeled like that. However, she could not help it. She was nice, loyal and reliable. Sometimes she yearned to be more like Cassie Maddie or Kat: fearless women who had already conquered their femininity. Lexi felt awkward, goofy and completely at a loss when it came to boyfriends or girlfriends. Relationships felt so obscure. People all around her were fierce, she felt she was unable to compete with them, hence her shyness. She wouldn’t even dare to begin to fight for her place. “I feel like I am not even a person yet.”

Since her childhood, she has been shaded by her sister’s beauty. People were in complete awe every time they saw Cassie. Lexi was not jealous or anything, she just wanted someone to notice her. She felt transparent and useless like she was worthless.  
Lexi met Rue. Somehow and weirdly enough, Rue reminded her of her dad. As strange as it sounds, it is kind of true. Lexi’s dad was this handsome young man who was always beaming, dancing and attracting people’s attention, capturing every single ray of light. He was completely oblivious to it, just like Rue. They were a sparkle of joy and beauty that would catch anyone’s breathes away, especially Lexi’s. They were like these precious persons that had the power to make you feel so special and meaningful. She remembered that about them. Her dad would give all of his attention to Lexi. She would feel so safe, so precious. Until now she couldn’t help but smile at the memory of it. Rue was special, so special, Lexi was captured by her friend. Rue was relentless. Naturally, Lexi felt in love with the way she could catch people’s attention. She loved the way she danced and did crazy things to make her laugh. She was pure joy. Rue had the craziest mind. Sometimes she felt like Rue would have given the world for Lexi. Like that time when they were teenagers. It was a sweet memory. Lexi had felt very down after her dad's car crash. Rue was aware of it and she wanted to change her friend's mind. Even if Lexi knew Rue's own dad was very sick at that time. So Rue had planned this kind of top-secret bicycle trip. They had ridden four hours just to reach Sepulveda Basin Wildlife Reserve. Rue knew Lexi was obsessed with wildlife. Lexi could be a complete nerd when it came to it.

«See! I took you to a Safari, baby! » Rue said with a proud smirk on her face. Lexi loved that proud smirk. She used to call it the Deniro's face.

They were breathless but it was worth it. Rue would make her feel worth it.   
Not anymore. Rue and her Dad were likewise. Their highs were so high, and their lows, well, so low. Lexi was not enough for them. She couldn’t make her dad stop using drugs. Because yes, Lexi had been aware of her dad’s drug issues. Actually, it had not been that hard to figure out. Cassie did not know it, but their dad had contacted Lexi. At first, Lexi had felt so happy to have her dad’s attention again, she was just a kid back then. Eventually, Lexi understood. Her dad didn't give a damn about her. It broke her heart. When she was fifteen, she decided to stand up for herself. She gave her dad an ultimatum it was either drugs or her. Lexi remembered feeling really numb and calm about it because she already knew her dad’s answer. Even if it has shattered her, she was proud of it. Lexi wanted to protect her mom and Cassie. But after this painful decision, she realized two things: She wasn't enough for her dad and she felt like she wasn't enough for Rue either. It would have been easier to give up.

But Lexi Howard was nice and she couldn't give up on Rue. So ever since, she's tried to find a way to cope with all the wild outbursts of Rue's rage. Lexi knew all about her suffering. Some way, they were that perfect unbalanced match that Rue would constantly deny or dismiss. But Lexi Howard was loyal, reliable and strong. Although all of this was breaking her heart over again, like a broken circle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that was challenging! I can't feel my brain... I hope it's clear and enjoyable to read. I feel like it is kind of wordy... Blame it on the French grammar. Feel free to tell me if it is unclear.
> 
> I have this whole idea of Lexi. I feel like she is the strongest character of this show somehow. I can't wait to know more about her.


	5. Pride and shame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is no need to compartmentalize.
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eBYj0hfzPfI

There are several ways to look at someone. Love, fear, despair, shame, admiration, hate. Rue became quite an expert. She could sense all the variations in someone's eyes. Her mother's eyes were full of distress. Gia stared at her with admiration and fear most of the time. Her friends would look at her as if she could drop dead in the middle of a sentence. Rue got used to it. She decided to ignore them all. Yet, there was one stare that she was craving for-- Jules'. Her heart sank at the thought of it. But she chose to ignore it.  
Internalize. Breathe. Endure

Winter break came to an end which meant that school was about to start again.  
Rue was riding her bicycle. It was early in the morning. The air was chilly and reinvigorating. Rue loved riding her bicycle. It was the only moment where she allowed herself not to think. She was focused on her body. Sometimes she would pedal as fast as she could until her legs hurt --until her lungs were about to explode. She could feel something then. Something she could control, it reassured her. The world was too much for Rue. It could be difficult to handle things. An unexpected sound, smell or touch and she could be losing it. Highschool was too much for Rue. Especially without Jules. Especially without drugs.

She sighed and sat down. She was ready to endure the first day of school. She could feel the stare of Lexi, but Rue was not ready to face her yet. Right after her relapse, Rue had heard her mother and Gia talking to Lexi on the phone. Rue would refuse to talk to her friend. Pride and shame is the weirdest combination ever.  
She glanced at Jules's empty seat instead. 

Mrs. Suez wrote something on the board.  
" When you find friendship and love in the same person. Story of the impossible?" 

You got to be kidding me. Rue exhaled. Teachers were sadistic, they could smell pain and awkwardness. She rolled her eyes and rested her head into her folded arms.

" Okay, let's go kids, shot me." Mrs. Suez chuckled.

Rue heard Kat's answer. It was torture. She could feel her panic attack slowly growing in her chest.

" Honestly Mrs. Suez, I think it is impossible. These are blurred lines. If you fall in love with a friend, everything is confusing. I mean are you doing something out of friendship or out of love? Love is about sexual attraction. Friendships are platonic. It has to be a fine line between these two. "

Internalize. Breathe. Cope.

" I think it is both and it is beautiful. I mean love and friendship are intertwined somehow. I can see no difference. There is no need to compartmentalize."

Rue recognized this voice. She raised her head in disbelief. Lexi was standing in front of her desk. She looked confident and fierce. That was new. Lexi had always been very shy.  
She met Rue's eyes. All of a sudden, Rue recalled all of Lexi's stares. Rue's feet couldn't touch the ground.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am aware that it is not meeting your expectations. We all want to read a fanfiction depicting Rue and Lexi being together. I know I can't do that. You are all doing an amazing job though and I really enjoy reading you. I am writing this to get it out of my system and to stop the massive withdrawal I am having!
> 
> Anyway, hope you've enjoyed it.  
Next chapter will be a Cassie's POV.


End file.
